A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man holds it in check. Proverbs 29:11
How much do you put up with when your kids get angry? Do you allow them to vent by yelling? Stomping off? Slamming doors?
My parents did not allow us to express our anger, and so often I would go into my room and pound my fists into my pillow in frustration. My husband and I chose to do things a bit differently. We tolerated a bit more when it came to expressing anger.
The bottom line? Anger is an emotion and inherently is not a bad thing. It’s the selfish motivations for anger that murks things up and what we do when we are angry that causes problems.
When your kids are angry, they should not…
- Say hurtful or disrespectful things
- Treat others rudely or do mean things to retaliate
- Damage property (throwing things, slamming doors, punching walls)
Once you’ve established those rules, have a discussion with your kids about appropriate ways to express anger.
Here’s what we came up with in the Meredith house:
- Tell us why you’re angry; we will listen to whatever you have to say as long as you are not rude or disrespectful.
- What are your ideas for resolution? If it is anger over something that can’t be changed, please vent appropriately.
- You can vent your anger by working it out physically (going for a run, working in the weight room) or by shutting yourself in your room–or any other way that does not damage people or property.
- Resolve your anger before you go to bed.
A quick temper will make a fool of you soon enough–Bruce Lee.
If you need guidance or help with parenting issues, please email me at firstname.lastname@example.org. I am a life coach with 29 years of parenting experience and I would love to help you with the challenges you are facing.